We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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