The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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