drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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