it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
