Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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