i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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