pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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