thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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