He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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