Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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