Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
These tits shall not be calmed
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
