Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
