This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize