I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
