dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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