he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
