Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
