so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
