I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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