Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
