She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
