I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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