It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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