You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
