Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
