drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
