The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
