bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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