but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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