Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Randomize
