Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
