We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
