hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sext me about skeletons
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
