At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
