I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
