call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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