aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
