the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
