I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
