You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
3pm strippers are depressing
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
