Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
