I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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