OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
NoShamevember. You game?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
