Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
