there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
