Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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