yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
