I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
