you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So many bounce houses so little time
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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