We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
