Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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