Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
