It's just like the Real World with babies
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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