I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Blood and glitter go together right?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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