Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
