I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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