What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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