captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
