he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
