dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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