I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
