Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
