I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
