i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
