I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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