Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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