He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
its liver damage thursday
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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