You're so nebulous sometimes
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
