Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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