how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
