And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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