i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
