I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
