Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
