The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
