Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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