Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have aggressive nipples.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
