In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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