you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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