Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
