Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
