A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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