Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
