; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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