i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
