why do cheetos always look like penises
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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