So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
