when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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