You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
