he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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