what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
