there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
