garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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