talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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