All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
