What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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