Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
that is very illegal...i love you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
