so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
