just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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