my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Found your dick twin last night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
