He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
