i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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