I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
