Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
